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Joke of the Day

"It did feel good. I used the craziest toilet this morning. It was one of those toilets that shoots water up your butt I forget the name. Bidet, it felt amazing."

"*Dentistry school* Here's your final: *stabs student* Why is he bleeding ""Because you stabbed him?"" FAIL ""Because he doesn't floss"" CORRECT!"

"I am starting a support group for guys dealing with Autoerotic Asphyxiation. Our motto is: ""Hang in there, we can beat it."""

"Sticking a $5 bill into a vending machine turns it into my grandmother, dispensing stale snacks and rare dollar coins."

"When you hear ""I do not love you but we can be friends"" it's like... your mother says ""Your dog died but you can keep it""."

"[Serious] Can we stop making bomb jokes? Edit: Wow, this really blew up! Edit 2: Feeling bombastic! Thanks for the gold!"

"Q: Why couldn't the woman buy a bakery shop? A: She couldn't raise enough dough."

"Kids, eat your vegetables. *reluctantly, they eat* [2 hrs later] *I eavesdrop on their convo* Daughter: Unionizing will help us bargain."

"I appreciate it when someone tells me to just ""get over it"" when I'm depressed. It gives me a chance to exercise my grave digging skills."

"GUESS WHAT Knock knock who dere not robin williams"