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Joke of the Day

"My blonde girlfriend broke up with me today. She was upset at me getting a text from Amber Alert"

"If Kim and Kanye name their next kid North West again, we can comfortably refer to the two as One Direction."

"What was Ryu's response when someone asked if they could have his autograph? ""Sure you can!"""

"Pele sees a pretty woman at a bar. He approaches her and says ""You're very pretty. Fancy coming back to my place?"" The woman says ""My, you're a little forward."""

"My grief counselor died last week. Luckily, he was so good I didn't give a shit."

"It's cute how the news wants me to stick around until 11 for the forecast. As if I didn't have 17 other ways to get that info in seconds."

"What's the difference between a viola and a coffin? With a coffin, the dead person is on the inside."

"I'm just gonna put an egg under my kid's pillows and tell them the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy must've went out drinking the night before."

"What's that Lassie? Bark! Yes I have a few moments of free time Bark! Goddammit lassie no I don't want to hear about Jesus"

"Black walks into a bar A black guy walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks ""where'd you get that?"" Parrot says ""Africa, there's millions of them""."