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Joke of the Day

"I bought my mom a fridge for her birthday present You should have seen her face light up when she opened it!"

"Sometimes when I say ""I'm ok"", I just want someone to tell me: ""I know you're not, here, have a million dollars."""

"My microwave beeps if I don't open the door within 30 seconds of it stopping. I'm fat, microwave. I won't forget there's food in there."

"Why didn't Thor like the party? It was too Loki."

"I can't stop watching the Hunger Games movies... ...I have a heroine addiction."

"Why do pedophiles LOVE twenty eight year old boys? Because, DUDE, there's 20 of them!"

"Hmm, should I try to rip open this box with my bare hands for 20 minutes, or grab scissors & do it in 4 seconds? *starts peeling at tape*"

"What does a girl have in common with a camel? They both have a camel toe."

"What screams, wails, and lights up? A bus-load of babies on fire."

"I recently joined a support group for people who peaked in high school. It's called Crossfit"