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Joke of the Day

"What does a girl have in common with a camel? They both have a camel toe."

"The rare times my cat comes to me for affection, I run and hide under the bed, so she knows what that feels like."

"Son, I've made some questionable decisions in life & I must go away for awhile to face the consequences. How I tell my 5yo I'm off to poop"

"A guy asked my girlfriend ""Who would win a fight between a taco and a hotdog?"" ... so I punched him in the head."

"[puts a tub of Blue Bell in the cart] Ma'am, did you hear there was a recall? That could be deadly. [slowly puts second tub in cart]"

"I'll bet Timmy would never have fallen down that well if his parents would've coughed up the money for a HUMAN instead of a dog babysitter."

"They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck."

"Kim Jong-un read War and Peace in a day. At least I think that's why they call him Supreme Reader."

"A Priest, Rapist, Pedophile Walks into a bar He orders a drink.."

"LPT: When cooking chicken, it needs a lot of support Alone, it tastes absolutely fowl."