34966

Joke of the Day

"Wife: Could you be dehydrated? Me: Of course not. W: How much water have you had? Me: Two coffees & a bourbon. W: Wow. Me: Told you."

"Started to travel back in time to kill Hitler, but then I decided to be more efficient and went back and shot Adam and Eve instead."

"Why are there no knock-knock jokes about freedom? because freedom rings. Happy Independence day everybody!"

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? It's a really obscure number. You probably never heard of it."

"Why did the man throw his clock out the window? Cause the cheating bitch ducked."

"MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE"

"[Halftime speech] Ok guys, we're down 56-0, but I see the problem. There's a typo in my game plan. It should say ""tackle"", not ""tickle""."

"Why should you pay scientists with $50 bills? They're always looking for Grant money."

"With a bit of practice I could be an excellent snooker player... But I dont have the balls and my pockets aren't that deep"

"My doctor put me on a strict vegan diet, but every Monday I'm allowed a cheat day So I nip out and fuck his wife."