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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman knew his parents before they were shot."

"[buying cucumber and vaseline] me: got an awesome night planned clerk: eugh [later, eating a cucumber and vaseline sandwich] this is awful"

"If at first you don't succeed tell yourself a litany of excuses then numb yourself with Oreo blizzards."

"When I see a parked car with the stick figure family on it, I move the husband over and put my studly stick figure next to the wife."

"Is it okay to not like a certain race? My friends want me to run a 10k with them, but I want to run a 5k."

"I think a cool anti-hero would be Aeon Netflux ...except during fights she would stop every 2 minutes to ""rebuffer"", and her selection of moves would be extremely limited."

"Doctors Jokes "" Doctor I keep stealing things"" "" Take these tablets; if that doesn't work get me a flat screen TV."""

"What do you call a musician with a college degree? Night manager at McDonalds."

"eBay's search feature can be so useless sometimes and other times be equally worthless with overkill. I tried to look up cigarette lighters and they had 13,749 matches."

"Russia: Why did the chicken cross the road? Ukraine: I don't know Russia why? Russia: To rescue oppressed Russian minority"