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Joke of the Day

"Police arrested two kids yesterday... ...one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."

"the worst part about hitting a child in public... is getting caught by their parents."

"In Hillary's defense. A lot of your friends probably give you $15,000,000 a few times a year and don't expect anything in return."

"When I get to somebody's house, I text them, because knocking on doors is for poor people."

"*zips up tent* [Wife]: What happened [Me,scratched up & clothes ripped]: I was uh.. *flashback to me being chased by a bee* wrestling a bear"

"I hoped to be a mortgage some day... But it looks like I'm forever a loan."

"My girlfriend said she liked the jewelry my grandmother wore so I bought her a life alert necklace"

"Why Sachin Tendulkar never sweat? Because he has huge fans!"

"Why do historians say Hitler was a great mathematician? He could always find the final solution"

"How does a Mexican build a house? Juan nail at a time."