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Joke of the Day

"MOSES: Cool thinkpiece GOD: It's a list of commandments. Not everything is a thinkpiece! Jesus Christ MOSES: Who? GOD: Oops, sorry. Spoilers"

"In the past hour I've dropped my phone and my computer. Let me hold your crying baby."

"What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani hospital? I don't know, I just fly the drone."

"Where's the middle of nowhere? It's three letters in. ""H""."

"Falling asleep at work didn't get me in trouble. Falling asleep at work and snoring got me in trouble."

"No, please don't feel like you need to use your turn signal. I understand how difficult it can be to slightly move one finger."

"How many jews died in the holocaust? Not enough"

"What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh."

"My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night."

"5 out of 6 people would recommend it... 5 out of 6 people who played Russian roulette, would recommend it to others."