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Joke of the Day

"Falling asleep at work didn't get me in trouble. Falling asleep at work and snoring got me in trouble."

"Sorry if my tweets aren't good enough for you, person who retweets Cher"

"I like when videogames limit how many things you can hold. ""You have 100 items in an invisible bag. Carrying another would be unrealistic"""

"[first date] I'm really nervous about this. It's been a long time since I've [holds fork up and squints] used silverware."

"The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is the only movie I've ever cried to... I laughed so hard I cried"

"Who would steal an artificial leg? I'm stumped."

"What's the difference between Stephen Harper and Rob Ford? One likes pipelines, and the other likes pipes *and* lines."

"my dad told me this one Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table , then a chair"

"I tried to learn how to play the drums. but i'm just a beat off."

"Writers who become addicted to pseudonyms have to join Anonymous Anonymous."