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Joke of the Day

"What would happen if James Bond took Viagra? He would continue to be a state-sponsored terrorist whose actions disgrace us all."

"What did Justin Verlander finish on Friday? Kate's back."

"How does a mathematician deal with constipation? He works it out with a pencil"

"The Feds say that marijuana has no accepted medical use, overlooking how it could help 20 million unemployed Americans not give a shit."

"Well, I did it again. I focused on the one person at the concert who annoyed me and let it ruin my whole night."

"How do you handle a redheads anger? Gingerly."

"""Mah son's real smart!"" crowed the redneck mother to an acquaintance. ""He's only six but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!"" ""What's his name?"" asked the friend. ""Bob."""

"What do you call a giant firebreathing lizard with a procrastination problem Dragon his feet"

"Never give a Roman a high five. Or he'll give you a HIV."

"""Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there,"" we chant. Another agent appears inside the pentagram and screams. The dark lord feasts tonight."