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Joke of the Day

"A teacher asked her class what their favorite letter was. A student raised his hand and said ""g"" Why is that Angus??"

"[aquarium] Me: ""That's a lot of octopussies to occupy a tank."" Guide: ""it's octopi."" Me: ""Oh..that's a lot of octopussies to octopi a tank."""

"Oscar Pistorius is soon getting out of jail. 10 months without sex, you should hide, ladies. But for the love of God, not in the bathroom."

"what's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"

"Life is like a shower Fat people don't have very good ones"

"Why is almond milk called almond milk? Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice."

"Girls dont dress up to impress guys. We dress up to impress other girls. If we wanted to impress guys we would just run around naked all day"

"What'd the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing they just waved.... I'll show my self out"

"What did the policeman say to his stomach? ""You're under a vest!"""

"I put the D in Fucking because I know that's what you really want. -autocorrect"