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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a sign for a suicide helpline on the back of a bus. Wouldn't it be a lot more helpful if it was on the front?"

"I poked my eye out .("

"What's a barber's favourite kind of holiday? Cruising on a clipper."

"A woman and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""Where'd you get the pig."" The woman says, ""That's not a pig, that's a duck."" He says, ""I was talking to the duck."""

"What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies Happy Easter"

"How to emberass an acrchaeologist? How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from."

"I saw two kids fighting in the elementary school playground this morning. Being the only adult around, I had to step in. They did not stand a chance."

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."

"Never threaten anyone. It spoils the surprise."

"How can you tell if a chemistry joke is shitty? If there isn't a reaction."