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Joke of the Day

"Knock knock/Who's there/9-11/9-11 who? YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET!"

"How fast can you convince an Italian guy to perform cunnilingus? Licka-de-split."

"Whoops, wrong sub"

"Is your penis Ant-man? Because whenever it's time to impress, it shrinks."

"I just found out that ""Birdman"" has nothing to do with Hawkeye, and now I want to see it."

"*sees a woman struggling with a big suitcase up the stairs* Me: Need help with that? Her: Yeah! Me: *gives her a hug* You got this, girl."

"What is the only group of cops who get in trouble when a black guy gets killed? secret service"

"#ThoughtsInMyHead 1. How much wine can a cat drink? 2. How do you resuscitate a drunk cat? 3. Will they do an autopsy on a dead cat?"

"Moves shopping cart to allow car to park Lady doesn't even say thanks Puts cart back behind her car Leaves."

"So this is what it's like to grow up. Fucking bullshit is what it is."