18351

Joke of the Day

"So this is what it's like to grow up. Fucking bullshit is what it is."

"Two men walk into a bar... The third one ducks."

"Remember when you were a kid and you used to run through the sprinklers at your uncle's farm and he'd dry you off with his strong arms?"

"How much does a dead battery cost? It's free of charge"

"Your mama is so fat... The NSA had to build a 2 billion dollar complex to store her weight information."

"my favorite part about fruit is when I run it under water for 3 seconds to convince myself it's no longer covered in carcinogenic pesticides"

"I'm a feminist So is my wife, but because I'm a man, I'm better at it."

"I called a rape advice line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims."

"Bowling would be more interesting if it were slightly uphill."

"Me: ""I'm thinking about running a marathon again"" Her: ""Wow, you have ran a marathon before?"" Me: ""No, but I have thought about it."""