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Joke of the Day

"""Bob's here"" Bob the surgeon or Bob who just pretends he's a surgeon? ""We only know one Bob and he's an accountant"" *arm falls off*"

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"How does one French arsonist flirt with another one? ""Voulez-vous bruler avec moi ce soir?"""
"Flirting is a way of life, the moment you stop is when you're dead ... then your spouse cleans the gun and places it in your hand."
"Ant: I found this book of what humans call us. I'm an ant Dung Beetle: What am I called? Ant: *checks, shuts book* Let's not focus on labels"
"I just have a step ladder I never knew my real ladder"
"""Houston we ... are fine."" Female astronaut probably"
"that moment when you and the driver next to you catch each other picking your noses and you both nod like you're in a secret club."
"The Fifa president, secretary general and communications director are all travelling in a car. Who's driving? The police. Not mine: http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/33099881"
"Irony is lost on kleptomaniacs because they take everything literally."
"Why was the wall in a store? Because it's wal-mart."