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Joke of the Day

"Ladies call me ""the turkey sandwich"" because I seem bland and boring at first, but then I continue to be boring."

"If life gives you melons. You're probably dyslexic."

"Do your part as a parent by helping prevent teen pregnancy. Let your child play the tuba. Tuba players never get laid."

"Why does Felix Baumgartner needs parachute.. when Red Bull gives you wings."

"I keep swallowing live ammunition. I thought, this time I'm going to go to the hospital, but as usual, I just farted a round at home."

"What did the horse say to the other horse? Hay,I thought you knew horses couldn't speak!"

"Bunnyprofessor"

"[Interview] ""Why'd you leave ur last job?"" My boss felt threatened by me [Flashback to juggling lighters after dousing boss in gasoline]"

"How do people do backflips and shit, like I can't even flip my grilled burger without fucking it up."

"My favorite part of a marathon is... My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka."