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Joke of the Day

"[Interview] ""Why'd you leave ur last job?"" My boss felt threatened by me [Flashback to juggling lighters after dousing boss in gasoline]"

"What do you call a snail in the sea? A snailor."

"How did the dog make anti-freeze? He stole her blanket."

"Getting a woman: 1.Select the woman u like 2. Lick her face 3. She is now yours take her home HAHAHAHAHAHA I've been arrested 10 times"

"I had unprotected phone sex once... Now I have hearing aids."

"Did you see the brochure for the California typographer's convention? It's in San Serif."

"The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says ""can you make me one with everything?"""

"WANTED: Good looking girl to jog in front of me while I run. Can't be fast."

"How do elephants hide themselves in the jungle? They paint their testacles red and climb in a cherry tree. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? Monkeys eating cherries."

"#IHaveJustEnoughMoneyTo pay my phone bill so I can call my credit card company to tell them I don't have money to pay them."