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Joke of the Day

"I should never read tweets at work because I laugh out loud and everyone asks what's funny and I have to say this excel spreadsheet."

"Does anyone else feel like a 25yr old trapped in a 40yr+ body???"

"Sally Why did Sally fall off the swing? Sally has no arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally."

"How are men like fuses? Once they're blown, they're useless."

"I will selflessly protect my family from a life of diabetes by eating the entire box of donuts."

"My sex life is such a disaster... My sex life is such a disaster that last night the Red Cross showed up with coffee and doughnuts."

"What did watson say when he got constipation? No shit sherlock."

"Just finished the first chapter of this novel. Tons of characters with the same name and really hard to follow. Sir, that's a phone book."

"Remember that time when we got trapped on a ski-lift for 4 days, then the acid wore off and we were just sitting on my grandmas porch-swing."

"Told to me by my 8 year old daughter: Knock knock. Who's there? Awkward silence. Awkward silence who? ... I see what you did there..."