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Joke of the Day

"I turn 30 in like 4 and a half hours... I always said I'd retire from comedy if I hadn't ""made it"" by 30. ...So I've got like 4 hours left"

"Fart tutor wanted, must have references"

"If you're in a clown posse, you don't need to tell us you're insane. We know. Nobody's thinking you're an emotionally stable clown posse."

"Plans are already underway for a Trump Library... It's the first time a Presidential library will have *just* scratch and sniff books."

"Do you know the difference between genius and stupid? ""Genius has its limits."""

"Penguins can't fly. Sometimes I get bummed out thinking about that. But then I remember I don't have to clean penguin shit off my car."

"In a touching tribute to Joan Rivers, Target today announced that it would print funny little anecdotes on all of their shopping bags. Just so plastic can make us laugh one more time."

"If Captain Obvious ever got an archenemy I would expect him to be named Major WTF Now that's one Major WTF. No kidding Captain Obvious."

"What's the difference between a reindeer and a caribou? Caribou can't fly."

"After they got married she even put his truck nuts in a jar."