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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when it's NotTheOnion? When they're still running pieces on Hillary Clinton."

"How does a male contraceptive pill work? You put it in his shoe and it makes him limp."

"What's similar between Gump and Trump? They are both mentally challenged and ""just felt like runnin'"""

"Just saw a snake slither through my backyard, so if anyone wants a house in Houston, it's yours."

"Do hamburgers make good vampires? No because they always find themselves in ghoulash situations!"

"So eBay takes 10% of your profits and Craig's List is 100% free, but with the chance of being murdered...such a dilemma"

"In Canada , we have two seasons... six months of winter and six months of poor snowmobiling."

"Have you ever been to a store that only sells lamps? I've heard it's pretty lit."

"If you lose your hearing,... is it ear replaceable?"

"(Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit"