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Joke of the Day

"If Neo would have taken the blue pill, The Matrix would've been the exact same movie, except he'd have had a hard on the whole time."

"What do you call a Batman that leaves church before its over? A Christian Bale"

"Some random guy on the street turned me into a bottle of tequila which rather annoyed me. I hate when people Patronize me"

"My wife is a liar! Last night I texted her and asked here where she was, she said with her sister Emma. I was with her sister Emma!!"

"I've noticed you keep tiny pictures of family members in your wallet. Nice, I didn't know you played. I'm looking to trade my Nana card."

"If you see your friend Jack on the plane... Don't say hi. Especially if his last name is King."

"My wife just told me she's pregnant. God, I hope it's not mine."

"Why can't Spongebob make the honor roll? Because he's a C sponge!"

"Reddit is like my ideal woman with double D's"

"got 1 of those water bottles w/ the plastic prison inside 4 putting fruit in. i'm gonna put donut in it. donut water.for health n prosperity"