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Joke of the Day

"I just got ripped off by a Chinese guy. This pan he sold me doesn't fly at all."

"Man found dead... in an ice cream van covered in sprinkles. Police think he topped himself."

"OSTRICH: *buries head in sand* ANTELOPE: You're crazy! OSTRICH: Shut your mouth and help me bury the rest of him. I'm NOT going back to jail"

"A tourist asks a man in uniform ""Are you a policeman?"" ""No I am an undercover detective."" ""So why are you in uniform?"" ""Today is my day off."""

"Why did the condom fly across the room? It got pissed off."

"Q: Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard? A: A barber."

"There was a fire at the local university. It was a smoke-free campus, so everyone present was arrested."

"""Those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it"" [cut to: me wearing a toga and confusedly trying to conquer Gaul]"

"Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common? A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed."

"What did Ned Stark say when his daughter told him that she was pregnant? Are ya?"