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Joke of the Day

"Smart people don't call themselves smart - me included."

"I almost always wear black. Not because I'm depressed or trying to be all dark, but because I'm single and don't want to separate laundry."

"My Grandpa Raymond and his wife live in a retirement community for swingers. What are his favorite underwear made out of? Ray on Paulie's Ester"

"Your voicemail will be ignored in the order in which it was received. Beep."

"COP: u were swerving a lot so i have to conduct a sobriety test ME: ok COP: lets get taco bell ME: no COP: text ur ex ME: no COP: ok ur good"

"I haven't had a good nights sleep since I started wondering what holds up those blocks in Mario."

"""How do you perform mediation?"" ""Meditation? Uuuummmmmmm........"""

"Durex's ""Eggplant Flavoured"" condom won't be the first time a woman's being pleasured by a vegetable. Just ask Mrs. Stephen Hawking."

"At the beach, looking at all these fit young people, with their perfect bodies and perfect tans and I think ""I wish I could be a shark""."

"Why do dentists only want to be awarded with paper certificates? They hate plaque buildup."