181011

Joke of the Day

"Got CPR and CCR confused. Ended up playing ""Fortunate Son"" on my boombox while watching a man die."

"I finally got my shit together. It's pretty gross. Wanna see?"

"""WHAT DID YOU DO WITH MY 40 POUNDS OF SPINACH?"" Me: I cooked it for you. It's over there, on that teaspoon."

"Those boots are made for walking? Wow, so are most boots. Give me a call when they're made for castrating antelope or something."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's ok. He woke up."

"Boy: Dad Dad come out. My sister's fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads. Dad: No I'm not coming out. She's going to have to learn to look after herself."

"What'd be worse? Zombie apocalypse or Facebook shutting down and 500 million retards all of sudden using twitter?"

"Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it."

"Did you hear about the mushroom? He was a fungi."

"Who is your favorite X-Man? Mine is Bruce Jenner"