33659

Joke of the Day

"Hey moms! Here's a fun game to play: When your kid gets home from school, be lying on the floor screaming in pain, ""YOU STEPPED ON A CRACK!"""

"A moment of silence for the fat friend in a group of girls who can't jump high enough to be in the ""mid air"" beach picture :("

"Waldo is probably horrible at responding to texts."

"The ""Parmesan"" cheese in the USA is an abomination of the original. Start buying parmigiano reggiano and make America grate again."

"What did the horse say to the other horse? Hay,I thought you knew horses couldn't speak!"

"What do whales do on dates? Netflix and Krill"

"I got banned from B&Q in Glasgow today Some cunt came up to me in an orange apron and asked me if I wanted decking. Luckily I got the first punch in."

"How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down? Nobody knows it hasn't happened yet."

"Soulmate sounds like something Satan puts in his coffee."

"My father held his temper very well.... Every time we would get mad, he would just count to 100. Then take my head out of the water."