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Joke of the Day

"How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb? Hmmm........I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you"

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"Be thankful for Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we're never going to meet real people ever again."
"Art: Stop it. Life: *mockingly* Stopp iiit."
"Caught my kid forging my signature and I have to say, pretty good for a third grader"
"If you want my opinion ask my wife"
"I'm the only stalker I know with OCD. After I break in to watch you sleep, I fold your laundry."
"I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass."
"What should you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and say sorry!"
"My girlfriend just passed away. She was Dutch and always wore inflatable shoes. I'm miserable now that she has popped her clogs."
"Mother: ""Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."" Girl: ""I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa's computer."""