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Joke of the Day

"Be thankful for Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we're never going to meet real people ever again."

"How does Sean Connery shave? Ctrl+S"

"What's the difference between a decrepit rickety bus and the Egyptian god of death? One is an old bus and the other is Anubis."

"How can you tell someone is vegan? Don't worry, they'll tell you"

"What do you call an Indian man who fought for years for peace that then transitioned into a woman? Mahatma Gone-D"

"Why do pessimists always think it's the weekend? Because every day is a sadder-day."

"Q: Why did it take three burly Boy Scouts to help the old lady across the street? A: Because she didn't want to go."

"If you were a stand-up comic, and you're doing a show for a family at a funeral. What would you're opening line be? Like outrageous, dark, funny whatever let's hear!"

"Why your oven doesn't attend an university? It already has at least hundred degrees"

"China recently banned girls from eating bananas on live streams... so now the people with hemorrhoids can now get off from girls eating raspberries instead."