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Joke of the Day

"It's that time of year I'm just going to say it now so I can say I said it first I'll see you guys next year Now shut the fuck up with that joke"

"What's comforting and scary at the same time? A warm toilet seat."

"What do you call an epileptic Jew during the Holocaust? Shake and Bake!"

"Kids are the worst CIA agents. I KNOW WATERBOARDING SUCKS KATIE BUT YOU CAN'T TELL THE TALIBAN EVERYTHING FOR A CAPRI SUN YOU IDIOT"

"Orange is the new white rest are black."

"What were the old-time gangster's last words? ""Who put this fucking violin in my violin case?!"""

"I accidentally used AOL.com to search for something today. I feel like everyone who works there probably high-fived each other and got really hopeful about the future."

"4-yr-old son gave smartest answer ever to ""How do you know if something is art?"" ""People tell you."""

"After having Chinese food, my cookie was missing the piece of paper on the inside! It was unfortunate."

"Whatever you do in life, give 100%... unless you're giving blood."