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Joke of the Day

"Nothing says ""I don't take you seriously"" like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him."

"A masochist and a sadist are doing their thing... The masochist says: ""Hit me"" and the sadist answers: ""no..."""

"I accept your apology. Can I borrow your phone? I need to cancel the hit I put out on you."

"Fish must really like poetry. They like things that are deep."

"My library charges me a dollar for every book I check out. It's a paper-view."

"What do you call a German living in Canada? A leder hoser."

"Non-consensual sex burns more calories than consensual sex."

"You know you're ugly when.... it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera. (add your own)"

"Ego and Super Ego walk into a bar. Bartender says, ""I'm going to need to see some Id."""

"My girlfriend makes me want to be a better man So I can get a better girlfriend"