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Joke of the Day

"Thank god I have the newest, fastest iPhone so I can mindlessly check the same three apps 500 times a day."

"I lay on the grass looking up at the clouds. 'That woolly one looks like a fist' I say, as Jack punches me again."

"How many r/jokes redditors does it take to change a lightbulb? Answer is 2. One to change the lightbulb while the other screams ""REPOST"""

"Girls adore it when you guess their weight as they walk by."

"You didn't like it. I was gunna tell u a joke about my time machine"

"Doctor in lab coat peers into microscope. ""Good Lord!"" he says. ""His burrito levels are off the charts!"" - from my autopsy"

"Person who fought in WWII hit with pepper spray... Now he is a seasoned veteran."

"Gun, while only being a letter away from gum, is definitely not something that your teacher wants you to share with the rest of the class."

"Why don't cannibals like clowns? they taste funny!"

"My wife is going sky diving and I'm truly terrified The last time something that large hit the ground the fucking dinosaurs died!"