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Joke of the Day

"What do you get the girl who has everything? Penicillin."

"Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering A minor."

"How do you get a whale off a beach? A whale-barrow!"

"Matt LeBlanc was just announced as the newest presenter on BBC's Top Gear It may be a challenge for him, on his last show it's like he was always stuck in second gear"

"there should be drug education for future nerds covering topics like ""chill out. take a drink"" & ""don't be the D.D. for people who hate you"""

"I gauge a person's wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary."

"So Hilary, what are your plans for economic development and beating ISIS if you ever win the election? ""I have a boyfriend"""

"My friends call me an attention whore, but that can't be true Just look at me!"

"Rival Gang Leader: Me: Rival Gang Leader's mom: [nudges son] go on Rival Gang Leader: sorry I tried to shoot you"

"The three American Marines that helped thwart the Terrorist Attack in France did something than no Frenchman ever has. Received Frances Highest Honor..."