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Joke of the Day

"I gauge a person's wealth by the level of protection on their iPhone. No case, huge salary."

"What do you call gas from the human body that NASA could impliment into fuel for their technology in the future? Rocket Farts."

"I called an old friend and asked how he's been. He said ""living the dream."" I told him, hey good to hear. Turned out he just has dissociative identity disorder."

"It would make more sense to put a teacher in every gun shop."

"Arrogant lady, owned ! Lady : I wouldn't sleep with you if you were the last man on earth! Man : If I were the last man on earth, you wouldn't have a say in the matter."

"I don't have a dirty mind... I have a sexy imagination!"

"Febreze commercial: ""Now we remove her blindfold and..."" *has panic attack, stabs camera man, vomits, jumps out closed window*"

"Got a call that my Grandma only has 1 day left to live... But I'm still not paying the ransom."

"Roses are red, violets are blue In Soviet Russia Poem writes you"

"Facebook should change the status question from ""what's on your mind?"" to ""what's your problem today?"""