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Joke of the Day

"The three American Marines that helped thwart the Terrorist Attack in France did something than no Frenchman ever has. Received Frances Highest Honor..."

"Meow meow meow [Wife comes home early] MEOW! *cats scramble to untie me from the torture rack* THELMA I TOLD YOU THE CATS HATE ME I TOLD YOU"

"Apparently, if a bear attacks, you are supposed to play dead. You know, that sounds an awful lot like something a bear would say..."

"Me: It's not often that a single guy like me gets a home cooked meal. Her: Why don't you get married? Me: I've never been that hungry."

"*gets pulled over* Do you know how fast you were going? *pulls string* *inflates emergency mustache* Oh sorry officer. You're free to go."

"Yo mamma so fat collection..."

"Pool donations A man came to my door Asking for donations towards the local swimming pool So I peed in it."

"How does Moby Dick celebrate his birthday? He has a whale of a party!"

"My homework brings all the Asians to the yard, and they're like ""It wasn't that hard"""

"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, but how do you get them in there?"