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Joke of the Day

"How do you get a whale off a beach? A whale-barrow!"

"Not to brag, but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions."

"Just as bugs are drawn to bright lights, so are my toes drawn inexplicably to hard objects."

"Got passed by a guy with a ponytail riding a moped so no I'm not ok."

"Insurance costs are so outrageous the only healthcare most Americans can afford is from Dr. Pepper."

"How do cows do math? A cow-culator. haha haha ha ... ok, I'll leave."

"Do you know Forest Gump's Facebook password? 1Forest1"

"(Outside at dusk) Wife: Lovely evening. Me (Covered in mosquitos): Glorious."

"Why do strippers hate roofers? They always pay in shingles."

"Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had an albino child? It was a case of two Wongs making a white."