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Joke of the Day

"Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in? Customer: No. Barber: Oh dear! Then I must have cut your throat."

"What's the number for poison control? Dancing With the Stars is on and I need to make sure this will be enough."

"Why does the Pope keep his underwear on while bathing? Because he doesn't like looking down on the unemployed. First to ever post this joke here, yay!"

"I just got a DM from a guy who said he was a Day Trader. I offered him 3 Mondays for a Friday."

"I just laid on my cat's keyboard while he was working on a last minute PowerPoint presentation."

"Seasonal Star Wars joke > **Darth Vader**: Luke, I know what you're getting for Christmas. > **Luke**: How? > **Darth Vader**: I felt your presents. EDIT: Formatting"

"The Orthodontist wants to pull my daughter's 2 loose baby teeth & charge me $250. I bought the biggest bag of caramels I could find for $5."

"Children are like ulcers... Their small, painful, restrict what you can and can't eat and by the time you've realised what's wrong you'll have 2 or 3 others"

"I like my coffee like I like my women.. Thrown into a burlap sack and transported across the border."

"Two girl twins are born. One is named Skye after her perfect blue eyes The other has cataracts, so was called Claudia"