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Joke of the Day

"Not to brag, but a news anchor started following me today. She recognizes a disaster when she sees one."

"I don't hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick."

"A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken... The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, ""Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."""

"Why are London buses red? Because they have to come every 10 minutes"

"Wanna hear a joke? Women's rights. Just kidding, women redditors are cool."

"What's green and smells like pork? Kermits finger"

"What do you call a baby seal between two slices of bread? A clubbed sandwich"

"Guy: Are you pregnant? Me: No, I'm a Ninja Turtle with my shell on BACKWARDS. Guy: ..... Me: Cowabunga, douche!"

"What is a prisoner's favorite punctuation mark? The period: it marks the end of his sentence."

"All the world is a stage, and the only seats I can afford are obstructed view."