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Joke of the Day

"I've stolen so much stuff from work that some of my colleagues now have to work at my house"

"I'm uncomfortable with abortion. It gives me cramps."

"What did they say about Baghdad after they installed too many garbage cans? It was Bin Laden"

"I applied for a Cashier job at Wal-Mart the other day.. But they said that those 4 positions were already filled."

"What's 20 foot long, screams like a banshee and has no pubes? The front row of a One Direction concert."

"Pretty sure airport food was priced by children just learning about numbers. ""Ok Brian, how much should this apple cost?"" SIXTY TWO DOLLARS!"

"Ladies, call me Adobe Updater, because I nag you at least once a week and never seem to work"

"*giraffe getting his daily coffee* G: usual grande mocha man Barista: gee that's a... G: *sigh* B:...tall order G: Christ, every goddam day Phil"

"Parent Tip: don't tell your child ""I'm waiting, I can wait all day if I have to"" unless you've actually cleared your schedule for the day."

"If State Farm were such a good neighbor they'd come over and pick up all the dog shit in my yard."