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Joke of the Day

"It's pretty amazing that I'm able to balance my two kids, my career as a doctor, and my pathological lying!!"

"I never understood why vets... aren't called dogtors."

"Did ya hear Fergie is pregnant? Told her husband she was 2000 and late"

"There was two muffins. They were put in the oven One muffin says to the other muffin, ""wow its hot in here!"" The other muffin said ""WHOAH, A TALKING MUFFIN!"""

"I give in to peer pressure My friends went on a diet, so I joined in to try to fit in."

"Mom, you're embarrassing me in front of the hostages!"

"On the the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me.. Nothing. I don't have a girlfriend."

"Americans: Muslims are so violent Me: ok but police co- Americans: shut up. Don't judge a group of people based off a select few."

"I got banned from my chiropractors office. Apparently its not ""appropriate"" to ask for a happy ending."

"What's black and sits in the back of a cop car? The seat"