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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: How's the ventriloquism going? ME: Not good. WIFE: But I got you that Ventriloquism For Dummies book. ME: I don't think he read it."

"What do soy beans and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes!"

"That awkward moment when your date says she has a hair piece but later you find out she was saying herpes."

"M.C. Escher goes into an ou so s W."

"I had a dream that I was fighting Jason Bourne, Will Hunting and Tom Ripley Thanks to months of therapy, I'm finally battling my Damons."

"Adopt 25 cats and you'll never be alone. Also melt cheese on things. Not the cats though. -me as a therapist"

"I'll never understand why the guy that invented Braille didn't just put the dots in shape of the actual letters."

"Them: If you were stranded on a desert island with any two people, living or dead, who would they be? Me: Can they both be dead?"

"What did the clam say when a crab attacked him? Kelp!"

"With women it's not about how much money you make, what you drive or where you live at... LOL Who am I kidding, even the homeless women go after the homeless guys with the most stuff.."