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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: ""I'm afraid-"" *Wife crying* ""I'm afraid your husband is in a better place now."" *cut to me on a roller coaster at Disneyland*"

"Why did the spy stay in bed? To stay under cover"

"Was told to fuck bitches and get money. All I got was charged with bestiality"

"Why is Italy's birth rate decreasing? Because they pull out at the last second."

"If one is an expert at tying knots, one does knot simply."

"Inspirational tweet: There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope yours is a freight train."

"I studied abroad for a year. But she got really creeped out and moved away."

"Walked into a spider web and did an hour of tai chi in five seconds."

"Aside from dying withing the same week what else did Steve Irwin and Peter Brock have in common? Their last moments were spent in wild fishtails."

"What do you call a drunk muslim? Hammad. What do you call a VERY drunk Muslim? Mohammad."