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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you kill a body of water in a comic book? A Deadpool."

"At the hospital... NSFW At the hospital, I overheard two doctors discussing a patient that came in with six plastic horses stuck in his rectum. They described the patient's condition as stable..."

"She's not a slut... She's just a weiner connoisseur."

"I got caught making out with my cousin once - mum and dad went mental. In my defence we were just kids, and there was an awful lot of alcohol at her funeral."

"Starting a Psychofit class. Basically, I sneak up on people showering and chase em with a knife til they achieve their desired body weight."

"God wasn't trying to get Marry pregnant with Jesus. Turns out he was wearing a holey condom."

"Pancake day has really crepe'd up on me this year."

"Why can't guys do the splits? The banana gets in the way. Banana split"

"Sometimes I end up watching cartoons after my kids have left the room. On a related note, has anyone seen my kids?"

"Women never understand the importance of cords. We NEED to keep all these cords, just in case! What if we run out of cords!"