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Joke of the Day

"Why can't guys do the splits? The banana gets in the way. Banana split"

"I like my women like I like my video games... Finish this joke! There's a thousand punchlines. I want to hear yours!"

"You know that really private/embarrassing stuff you say to your girlfriend when no one else is around? Her friends know all that shit."

"So the other day I went into a local shop with a sign that read ""Therapist"" They should really put a larger space between the ""e"" and the ""r"""

"I tucked my kids in last night and said, ""See you in the morning!"" and then we laughed and laughed. Saw them 16 more times before sunrise."

"Never accept a rap battle from a cricket unless you know more than five words that rhyme with chirp."

"Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? He used to keep it in his back pocket."

"I like my coffee how I like my women Without someone else's dick in it."

"There should be more than one kind of handicapped parking placard. ""I have no legs"" and ""My knees gave out at 350 lbs"" aren't the same."

"A guy asked my girlfriend ""Who would win a fight between a taco and a hotdog?"" ... so I punched him in the head."