32764

Joke of the Day

"Millennial Moses: Just, let my people go or whatev- hang on I'm getting a text."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!"

"Are you looking forward to the Olympics? I am, they're going to be dope."

"Bacon: Toast, great tan! Eggs: Ham, you smell good! Ham: Thank you Eggs, you too! Toast: Bacon, you're awesome bro! -complementary breakfast"

"After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up. Now, my house looks like Ke$ha."

"ME: Take care of my cat while I'm away? HITMAN: [screwing on silencer] No problem."

"How does Anakin Skywalker get around the Death Star? He takes the elevader. *Sith floor, please.*"

"Still trying to figure out how to compliment a woman's skin without sounding like I want to wear it"

"What do you call an incestuous nephew? An aunt-eater."

"Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward? They like the part where the hooker gives the money back."