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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a waterproofer and a porn star? Eventually, a waterproofer stops coming home with cock all over them. Forgive my accent, I meant caulk. (My first waterproofing joke)"

"I went to the doctor because my eye hurt every time i drank tea. He told me to take the spoon out."

"What do a fag and a parrot have in common? Shit on their stick"

"What goes ooooooo? A cow with no lips. ;) ;) ;)"

"[getting murdered] Me: ""Could you please stop for a second?"" *gives murderer a Snickers"

"You want people to leave you alone? Carry a clip board and try to make eye contact."

"I've kept my New Year's resolutions. 1680x1050 and 1280x800."

"I'll be a millionaire once I'm done making this device that lets you punch people in the face over the internet."

"How do you greet your Mexican friend eating sushi? Wassap B?"

"What did Carlos the fireman name his twin newborn sons? Jose and Hose B."