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Joke of the Day

"Me: I baked cookies! Who's the best Mom ever? Son: Oprah! Me: Gimme the damn cookies back! Son: See? Oprah GIVES, she doesn't take!"

"Whats the best way to get over a girl? Get under another one"

"Know what her cervix and a plate glass patio door have in common They both make her eyes light up when you run into them."

"Wanna impress me iTunes? Let me download a motherfucking pizza."

"Do seagulls ever wake up in the morning and take a moment to gather their thoughts, or do they just go straight into seagull stuff?"

"What do you call a woman with one short leg? ilene."

"Hi everyone, I'd like to announce that I'm dating my very first professional model... she's a 'before' model, can't wait to see how she'll turn out!"

"What do you call a Grizzly Bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear!"

"Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff? Tequila..."

"Donald Trump & Mexican Are At Bar On The Boarder Mexican Grill"