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Joke of the Day

"Wanna impress me iTunes? Let me download a motherfucking pizza."

"Anyone who's voice doesn't jump a few octaves when talking to a puppy probably kills people for a living"

"When I was a little kid, I had this friend that was always counting. I wonder what he's up to these days."

"Did you hear about the homeless artist who got turned down in his submission for a classic string toy rebranding? It was a no-go hobo yo-yo logo."

"*walks in at 3am* Wife: OMG, what happened? Me: I was attacked. [front door 5hrs later] Neighbor: What happened to our inflatable Santa?"

"I want to order rabbit at a fancy restaurant and then complain there is a hare in my food."

"She was only the stableman's daughter but all the horsemen knew her."

"Whats the difference between a hospital and a terrorist stronghold? I dunno I just fly the drone....."

"Why does James Brown like South Korea? Because its got Seoul."

"""Reddit is a shopping website"" That's what my sister said."