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Joke of the Day

"Hi everyone, I'd like to announce that I'm dating my very first professional model... she's a 'before' model, can't wait to see how she'll turn out!"

"If Jason Bateman had a servant... Would his servant call him Master Bateman?"

"My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom This morning we synthesised a new protein chain"

"Walk up to a girl, sniff her hair, and whisper ""Perfect. Master will love you."" This is a great way to increase your tolerance to Mace..."

"Never feel worthless! Your organs are worth thousands."

"My wife was almost killed by a clock today, it fell onto the chair just as she stood up. Damn clock was always too slow."

"me: good morning, Linda Linda, my co-worker who backpacked through Europe: Not as nice as the sunrises you can see looking out from Venice"

"How did Hitler masturbate? Fureriously."

"What do you call scriptures for blind people? The holy braille"

"""Always give your food a rinse before you eat it,"" my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made terrible sandwiches."