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Joke of the Day
"Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer."
Next Joke
 
"I'm very serious about my cereal. I'm all about that Life."
"What did the depressed plankton do? It krilled iself!"
"Why do ducks look so sad? Because when they preen their feathers, they look down in the mouth."
"Relationships are like houseplants, if they're mine they die"
"Dear Mario, I wasted my childhood trying to save your girlfriend :)"
"Why don't you see Santa for the rest of the year? Because for the rest of the year he's in prison for breaking into people's houses."
"Why did the heart get sent to police station? Cardiac arrest."
"WARNING: DO NOT TRY AND EAT WARREN BUFFET. HE IS NOT AN ACTUAL BUFFET AND IS NOT MADE OF FOOD"
"I'm sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out. We are going to watch tv."