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Joke of the Day

"Why don't you see Santa for the rest of the year? Because for the rest of the year he's in prison for breaking into people's houses."

"I'v been catfishing my best friend Dave for the last 3 weeks. He's gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I'm showing these emails to his wife."

"What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A BABOOM!"

"me: can i have a coke waiter: is Pepsi ok? me: ya pepsi's fine pepsi: i have a boyfriend"

"I wanted to have sex with Uma Thurman until I saw her toes in Kill Bill."

"Your momma so dumb she drove around looking for the App Store"

"u don't need dangerous marijuana pot get high on life -ride a bike -read a good book -make a sacrifice to the dark lord -watch a sunset"

"I adopted a highway. Don't tell anyone I said this, but I don't love him as much as I love my biological highways."

"If you're wearing a cowboy outfit... Does that mean you're ranch dressing?"

"Reddit must have seen your mom the other day... ...cause went down for while and has been *up* ever since."