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Joke of the Day

"I am looking forward to 6pm Thanksgiving Day when Walmart opens its doors for its annual sale of trampled human corpses."

"Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? No? Well that's because it never came out"

"Why do cows wear bells around their necks? Because their horns don't work."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb? YOU DON'T FUCKING KNOW, YOU WASN'T THERE!"

"We act like we're too cool for ""brand loyalty"" but if someone says they *bing'd* something, we beat them to death in the street."

"I'm not saying I hate you but if you were on fire I'd bring sticks and marshmallows."

"How do you starve a black guy? Put his food stamps in his work boots"

"My friend who works at the movie theater died yesterday... Funeral services are being held today at 4:25, 5:40, 7:10 and 9:45"

"Roses are red violets are blue... Sugar is sweet and so are you... The roses have wilted the violets are dead Sugar is lumpy and so is your head."

"What do you call a ship that drives itself? Auto-pirate."